Should, Would, Could… Three words that can really hurt.
The interesting thing is that when you Should, Would, Could ourselves, you diminish your impact in this world.
Should, Would and Could assume that you are a mind reader or have crystal ball that could predict the future.
If I would have known…
I should have…
I could have…
I’m here to tell your inner critic to back off.
You don’t know what you know, until you know it.
Read that slow…
You don’t know what you know, until you know it.
You lived out your regular relationship with your Loved One and that’s the best thing you did.
It’s easy to say what you would have done in hindsight. Chances are you were honest in your relationship, you were truly you and they were truly them. That doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. It’s actually the opposite.
So many times, I hear about how if someone knew a Loved One was going to die in an accident, they would have said goodbye that day. Or about if they knew the moment the Loved One was going to die, they would have stayed present instead of leaving a room. Or in the instance of a substance related death, they would have gone back on all their boundaries to have them in their home again.
This is being really hard on yourself. Your Loved One’s death is NOT your fault.
Let’s challenge those Shoulds, Woulds and Coulds.
When you hear that inner voice give you a Should, Would or Could, turn it around.
Ask yourself questions like:
What was I doing instead of …(what you are coulding on yourself)?
What was our real relationship?
What’s the evidence that doing… would change things?
We all want someone or something to be different because you didn’t want to lose your Loved One right now. Shoulds, Woulds, and Coulds give a false illusion that you could have prevented the death. Even in accidents, it’s not intentional – that’s why it’s called an accident.
This has been a tough love kind of post. I’m going to give it to you straight – Should, Would, and Could are not your friends. They are a distraction to your grief and prevent you from developing a new relationship with your Loved One.
Share: What is something that you are Should, Would, or Could doing to yourself? Release it here. If that’s not comfortable, write it on a piece of paper and then tear it up into tiny pieces and post a picture.
Let these false responsibilities go, my friend.