Hear me out… I’m going to share my approach to grief that may just shift your perspective. This totally helps my clients, so I’m going to share it with you.

How would your grief be different if it was a developmental milestone rather than a point of impact in your life?

Life is full of growth and adaptation… Grief is a part of that.

Think about it…
We roll over, sit up, crawl, walk before we skip and run.
We learn our numbers and how to count before we add, subtract, understand decimals and percentages.
We have our first crush before our first heartbreak.
We have concrete thinking before we can explore concepts abstractly.

These things are natural, normal and universal. There is a time of challenge, sometimes struggle and perseverance before understanding. Then there is a knowing, an ability to apply past learning to new situations, and life long learning and adaptation.

Let’s apply this to grief…
With grief, there is a connection, passion or love before we experience loss.
There is a universality to grief – most everyone will experience loss at some point in life.

As with each fore mentioned developmentals, there were levels of learning and adjustment. This is the same with grief. We experience less intense losses in preparation for more significant losses.
We may lose a favorite toy.
We lose teeth.
We lose a beloved pet.
We may lose a friendship due to a misunderstanding, because one of you moved or maybe just lost touch over time.
Losses become more complex if we lose a home, a job or when we lose a Loved One.

I encourage you to think about the less intense losses that have happened in your life. What comes to mind?

Less intense losses prepare us so when a tragic loss occurs, we have some frame of reference. This may be the first time experiencing something this intense, life changing, painful or profound.

A developmental approach to grief does not diminish your current experience. Rather, it enhances your understanding and incorporating grief into your living. Grief IS NOT something with which to get over or move on. It is something to embrace, learn, and make a part of your being.

Your connection, passion or love is still important even within the loss. Your grief is the processing and the parts you will carry into your next days and stages of life. This grief adds to your emerging wisdom.

I hope this makes sense to you… we have past griefs to help us with the tough grief of today. We can apply past experiences to our current loss.
We are constantly learning, growing and adapting. Grief is a part of this.

I know your grief is hard, it’s unlike anything you’ve experienced before. I want you to know that you are in the right place to keep learning about YOUR grief.

Reflect or Journal: How does a development view of grief and loss change your expectations of yourself?