Last week, we talked about Secondary Losses. Today we are going to focus specifically on the Loss of Dreams. Unrealized dreams become grief activators in a number of ways…

Sometimes, we can have a surprise burst of emotion or what I call a “grief sneak attack” when we see others have our dream experience in real life.

Other times, we cannot understand our anticipation, anxiety, irritation or what have you as you approach an anniversary, special day or event.

We spend time on this for a reason…

• it helps to reduce the intensity of the grief response
• offers the opportunity to incorporate or connect with your Loved One
• improves your experience of the day or event when you make a plan for your grief

This looks different for everyone. I’ve heard all sorts of things. Remember, your dreams or events are unique to you… what you may need are unique to you… what could help is equally unique to you.

Here are some ideas to get you started.

A teen that lost his mother was graduating high school. He wanted to wear a tie pin that she gave him to have her close to his heart on that special day.

A mother lost her son. On his birthday, she would go for a run in a nature preserve that she would walk with him.

A woman lost her husband. On the day of her birthday, she spent time alone watching birds in her back yard like she always did with her husband. In the afternoon, she changed things up. Instead of a meal at a restaurant or home, she wanted to do a lunch picnic with her family. She benefitted from some specific grief time as she connected with her husband and she wanted to create a new tradition for her birthday with her family.

A family lost Grandma. Grandma loved a specific hot dog stand. When the family incorporated Grandma into their events, they would stop for a hotdog or place an order with the small restaurant. This was their way of sharing their day with Grandma.

A family lost a father. The children would share their special days and moments with their Dad by writing a note to him and placing it in a mailbox that was placed within the home just for Dad.

As you can see, some cost money, some do not. All of them have incorporated some time to connect with the Loved One that died.

Watch the video and do the activity.

NEED VIDEO

Handout: 52 Loss of Dreams

Be sure to take some time for this activity. This can be tough to do. You will benefit from this activity in the future by exploring your Loss of Dreams a bit further.