Today’s intention… What do you do when in the path of a tornado? I wonder, what does that mean to you to be in the path of…? How are you safe in today’s tornado?
I’m very open about being a foster to adopt parent. It is a whirlwind of an undertaking with so many rewards and struggles. Parenting in itself is tough without the added elements of foster care or adoption. My process today was completely to do a free drawing and see what came to be. I relaxed my thoughts and began to create. The intention came later during reflection. Isn’t that interesting… a little bit backwards today.
Today’s tornado are certainly my parenting of two amazing, busy and energetic kids. I grew my family through foster care adoption due to infertility. My dreams of being a parent came true in a very unique way. My son lived with his birth parents for a year while my daughter never lived with them. The lasting impact of nature vs. nurture play out on the regular in our home. Everyday my love is great, my patience is variable, and I hope I’m doing right by my kids – true mama’s guilt. I run a tight ship… my kids need structure and boundaries. I live with a master negotiator and an avid avoider…
My tornado is the keeping up with them in order to keep them safe. This has generated much anxiety for me over the years. It took 5 years to adopt these beautiful people. I was responsible for every bump and bruise for my son as we navigated his profound ADHD… advocating for testing, therapy, and resources. His constant falls due to impulsivity and poor core strength made it quite difficult. I still would love to wrap him up in bubble wrap some days.
Our BEST find was enrolling him in parkour ninja classes!!!! He learned how to fall without getting hurt and developed body awareness. His life changed and I began to relax a bit. As the kids grow, new mama tornados present… when they were younger, daycare would call or school would call almost daily… they were trying to keep them safe and engaged too. It took much time and testing to come to a nice place now where calls are usually mid quarter about grades, IEP meetings, or if I have questions about school work. I teach my kids how to talk to their teachers and solve their problems rather than being the first go-to person. I watch their grades, talk about pride in their work and importance of handing in their work. My kids are smart and they have their own barriers to overcome.
I find my best times with my kids are after the tornados when we have the calm. My kids still want me near. We may just sit together or snuggle or meditate together. There is a peace within just being near that is essential in their pre-teen dramas. My anxiety focus changes as they grow though I am aware of its presence. I give what they can handle in responsibility, electronics and even love. I get push back everyday on one thing or another… I know my role is to help them grow and be their best… not be their best friend. My kids do talk to me about what’s going on . That is so important to me. I think is because I stay at where they are at… their development level.
A couple favorite things I say to my kids…
In the morning – “Today is a GREAT day!”
At bedtime – “Tomorrow is a new day, you can always try again.”
When they ask about adoption:
“I always new you would be in my life, I could just feel it and I needed to be ready.”
“Some people are able to give birth and are not able to parent for some reasons… Some people are able to parent but not give birth… We needed each other… your mama and papa and us… and you needed all of us, that’s how you get to have so many people that love you.”
They will always be my babies that I couldn’t wait to meet. I will always want to shelter them from their tornados, I just hope they continue to seek comfort in their home. This is just a little bit of the processing… I could write a book about my experiences with foster care and adoption.
What will you create today?
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